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If you liked Alison Lohman as Nicolas Cage’s daughter and jerked off to her in Matchstick Men when she was a tight young little skateboarding thirteen year old, then you’ll love this shit.  Alison could get it, but she has that face like her pussy stinks.  I wonder if it does, does it smell like roses, or does it smell like toe cheese?  Does she wipe frontwards and drive the shit into her clam?  I am not sure, examine and determine, final words, spoken like a true gentleman, don’t wear no suit and no tie, I’m no gentleman, gettin laid chicken heads that’s my hobby, never bust a nut when the bitch is lookin sloppy, I be the Dick Thick, cause I’m a Critic, never liked the name I received from my father, dirty deluxe, drunk huntin for skanks to fuck, snatch the devil up by his hand and cut his head off…. Wow, do you know where that’s from? I should have been  a rapper, not a blogger, venom in my veins, and I fuckin blame my father, but I like Alison Lohman, she could give me a nice blow man, and I’ll pretend she Lindsay Lohan after (more…)

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Rihanna never fails to grab her crotch during concerts.  I like that.  It’s even better when her vagina lips are peeking out of the panties and her shorts.  Rihanna is fucking hot.  That’s right I said it, skinny white boy on the block, cut-off Oakland Athletic, shit that’s pathetic, spray your  tonsils with Chloraseptic, so I can shove my dick down your throat and you won’t choke on this blogga cocka, it be a slobba knocka, that’s right I got ya, with ya swatch watch tight twat ya got at the candy shop fa Fitty cent, where ya momma shop and I get pretty bent  and pops go to cop some CRAck rocks and all the food money be spent.  Buy me some next time, Rihanna crotch, lippy puss, panties after (more…)

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How hot does Vanessa Hudgens look since her hair grew back a little?  My god, I am liking the new cut and these revealing shirts that she has been wearing.  Although nothing beats her filthy nude pics which can be found here and here.  Check out this nice bra slip and am ass shot after (more…)

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Selena Gomez is looking hotter than hell here and her tits are looking better than ever.  I think that Selena’s tits are going to keep growing and getting nicer and bigger.  WHile she will never have J-Love tits or a J-Lo ass, she does have that certain something that maks everyone want to bang her silly.  Check out Selena Gomez and her hot ass and mole covered tits after (more…)

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Micaela Schaefer nipples slipped out of this undeniable outfit that she wore some shit and totally blew everyone away.  I can’t believe they even would sell this outfit to someone for an event!  Micaela could really get it, I mean she is begging for it, a less hot version of Sofia Vergara mixed with Kate Beckinsale.  Word up, bitch hot, wardrobe malfunctions, nip slip, and full side boob nude after (more…)

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Take out the papers and the trash, and let me fucking see you ass, if you don’t unhinge your jaw, I’m not gonna rock your box no more, jackity jack, jizz on ya back. I made that up drunk off of cheap wine and I had the whole kitten-caboodle with my anus up your poodle.  Anyway, Laura Stoner’s ass in something that I need to keep an eye on and hand on the lowshee after (more…)

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Lindsay Lohan is posing for Playboy.  What a shocker!  When is the full blown step down into porn?  Really a Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape would probably top the sex tape market, beating out Kim K, Paris Hilton, and all those other celebipornostars that got their hole plugged on camera.  Check out Lindsay’s hot pics and showing nice cleavage and ass after (more…)

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Vanessa Hudgens loves taking slutty pictures of herself.  I love it too.  Vanessa should just do a Playboy spread already.  I don’t get it.  Scarlett, Kat Dennings, Vanessa, Renee Olstead, after having all those pics hacked and put up nude, why not just do a nice tasteful Playboy spread and be responsible for the best selling issue ever?  Duh! (more…)

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This young amateur blond beeotch had her other blond beeotch friend take pictures of her naked while they were on vacation with their parents.  I think they were sisters, what sick fucks.  I love it.  I have been receiving comments and emails stating how much people like the amateurs on Critdick.  If you like it drop a fucking comment, even a “me likey” or just “like” or a “suck my dick amateur skank ho cumdumpster”  Anything, let me know what you think.  Love me some amateurs, especially blond sisters that take shitty nude pics of themselves while their parents are in the other room eating Tv dinners and jerking off to Oprah and Dr Phil.  Nude Amateur blond teen hotness after (more…)

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Jojo Levesque and her most recent Twitter pic show her huge tits, and Jojo’s latest concert show how damn voluptuous and smoking hot her ass are.  I am really liking her more and more each time I write about her.  maybe getting a little obsessed, my trenchcoat has a hole in it, and it’s for JOJO.! Jojo, much ass cheeks after (more…)