I know this was last weeks news, but I like when they loop the video and show the dude punch her repeatedly.  Shit is hilarious.  Poor Snooki getting punched makes me snicker evilly.  Again, I don’t watch the show, but this kinda shit is making me want too.  I am waiting for one of the cast members sex tape or dirty pictures to “magically pop up” on the internet.  Everyone and their grandmother seems to have a sex tape nowadays, it’s just a matter of time before we see J-WOWW or Snooki taking it in the seat.

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This washed up asshole wrote a book. He really gets the scumbag of the year award for this one.  He tried to throw everyone under the bus by saying they all did drugs and screwed each other while they were on the show.  I am sure his skinny dorky gawky ass was doing the same exact thing, but he has no shame.  I guess that’s because he is just as big of a geek as he was in the show in real life.  This book will make the best sellers list because I think most people who watched the show will buy it.  They all want to know what this “porn star” foreclosure having bankrupt dork has to say about all the people that outshined him in the show.  Even Mr. Belding got more ass than poor little Screechy.  Here are some pictures of Jesse Spano naked pole dancing, A.C. Slater’s dimples, Kelly Capowski’s nipples, Zack Morris the Leprechaun, Lisa Turtle’s bad plastic surgery and of course Dustin Dickhead’s sex tape.  Dustin, I give your book one dick, well cause you’re a dick. 

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Another break-up?  What are the chances?  People can’t stay together these days.  I think I know what happened here.  Susan came home from a  lovely day of shopping and caught Tim jerking off to the video of her daughter Eva’s Californication Striptease.  I don’t blame Tim, I mean why go out for milk when you have 4 sets of milkers at home.  I am sure he is gonna miss both sets of those boobs. Anyway, I hope that Eva (boobs) keep appearing on the show.  I don’t watch it, but she is making me want to start.  Eva’s Performance (boobs)=

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Eva Amurri Topless on Californication – Watch the top videos of the week here

So we are wife beating for the holidays.  Instead of a Charlie Brown Christmas, I guess Charlie’s wife Brooke is having a Charlie Black and Blue Christmas.  TMZ reported that Brooke was retardedly drunk when the incident occurred.  I am sure that Charlie had good reason to do whatever he did.  She must have exaggerated whatever he did to her to the police as she is now refusing to cooperate and press charges.  Brooke  probably has some “Daddy Issues”  and gets cranky around Christmas, so she took it out on Charlie.  Her blood alcohol level was .13, where Charlie’s was .04 suprisingly.  He said in his report that she was the aggressor and he was just trying to defend himself.  I believe him. Here is a pic of Charlie’s mugshot, and the once happy drunken couple.

This shit is absolutely hilarious. I love J-Wow’s voice,  “J-Wow queen of the cameltoe”   This show seems to be the new obsession, at least for us New Joisians.   It’s like the new Sopranos….NOT.  Honestly some of it is pretty entertaining, but it reminds me of the Youtube shorts Douchebag Beach.  Personally,  I found that much funnier, but Jersey Shore is much more fun to make fun of.  Here are a couple pics of Snookie and J Woww to get your fist pumpin your you know what.

(2/5)

Here is Lindsay Lohan doing what she does best, being a whore. We all like when Linds whores it up.  She is just so good at it.  So Muse Magazine probably gave her an 8-ball of coke, 5 hypodermic needles (used) and a bottle of Jack  as payment to do this skanky threesome photo shoot.  Truthfully I think that she is looking much better than she was about a month or two ago.  She really looked cracked out. It’s really not that big of a deal for her to show her junk to everyone anymore, she has been doing it since her saggy vadge was falling out of her skirts for so long.  So that poses the question, why not do Playboy???  I heard she was going to get 900k for one shoot. Smarten up Labia Lohan.  Here  a few more pics from the shoot and one of Lindsay when she was wearing a house arrest bracelet on her leg.  I like the one where she’s hovering over someones bare ass and another skank is drawing on him with a marker.  If you look close enough, I think you can see Lindsay’s skank fluid dripped all over his back.

(3/5)

I had to post this video because the shit is hilarious.  I hope this parody continues for a while and Kenan Thompson can keep doing it without cracking himself up as he always does.  Blake Lively portrayed his wife really well also.  Some people are saying that the skit is in poor taste, but you know what, Fuck them! If you don’t like it don’t watch it. Some stupid ho Rita Smith, whose husband probably used to beat her, is executive director of The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence she was “horrified” that SNL “made such a mockery of abuse.”  Well Rita, calm down, go have a Margarita and after you’re done with that a nice glass of shut the hell up.  Here are some Blake Lively pics from her new movie The Private Lives of Pippa Lee, where she gets spanked by Alan Arkin. Aside from that scene, looks like a sleeper to me.

Here’s a picture of Rachel Uchitel on the beach.  She looks really upset frolicking  in her slutty  white bikini.  She could give a shit if she ruins Tiger’s marriage.  What I would have done differently is really get the blackmail going before I came out.  I would have asked for a ridiculous amount of money first before going public.  But I guess she has all the ammunition to take him down and embarrass him with all the text messages and phone records, etc. Now these Tiger Woods Ho’s are coming out of the “Woodswork”.  It looks like they are all giving  Tiger a swift kick in his Wood and his bank account will be the one that suffers most.  Tiger’s 500 million may dwindle down to 400 once this is all said and done, then after the divorce that will probably drop him to 300 mil. He may not be able to live off that and since he will probably lose most of his big sponsors, I plan to see Tiger in the next Proactiv Commercial.

The queen of Myspace and herpes is coing out with a sex tape now.  She said that it is a fake, and why would someone wait for so long to put it out?  Well the reason is that your shitty 6 months of fame have been over for almost two years.  So Tila Taqueefla probably went and leaked the tape herself, and leaked her disgusting Won Ton Vagina Cream Sauce all over the supposed “stolen computer” from 1997, where she claims the tape originated.  Why, if the tape is fake, would she claim it was from her stolen computer???  Truth be told she is running out of money and needs the publicity and probably went out and picked up the first piece of man meat that bought her a drink and paid him to screw her while Lindsay Lohan’s father filmed it for a couple bucks and a signed photo of her fortune nookie.

(4/5)

They are going to split the fourth book into two separate movies… why?  MONEY!  Look how much friggin money this movie made in 2 weeks.  I am sure that is not the main reason, wait, yep that’s the reason.  The cast will will have a short break since they filmed Eclipse and  New Moon at the same time.   Then it’s back to work for them, but hey at least they are working in this economy.  Our country is in the shitter, but Obama will be damned if  his people can’t  find the money to pay Edward Cullen so he can get his drunk on!  I saw that dude on Jimmy Kimmel and he was stoned out of his gord.  He couldn’t even answer the questions without giggling and Kristen Stewart looked like she was getting pissed off.  Why would she care if they “aren’t dating”?  Kimmel said some funny shit to Taylor Steroid Wolfman “when you and Taylor Swift are making out, does Kanye West burst in?”

Anyway, I saw  New Moon and thought that it was pretty good.  Not great like the first one, but good.  I would give it about 3 out of 5.

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